Bull Max

Introduction

What can I say, I take chances for you the beloved reader of fearless gearless. If you don't know me, I am a cheap bastard. Don't get me wrong, I am more than willing to drop coin on some kickin' cranks, handle bars, or any bike paraphernalia. However, I am a rat cheap bastard when it comes to those regular life essentials such as rent, food, haircuts and noncycling clothing. To put it in perspective I still refuse to get a phone because that's $30 a month I could spend on cycling. Back to the review. In my ever present quest to save money I decided to save cash by trying out some of that cheap high alcohol beer in a large bottle. You know the kind of beer you only find in fine establishments. Think Old English but cheaper and with more alcohol. I went for the worst of the worst: Bull Max. This puppy contains 7% alcohol, in a liter bottle; all this beer goodness for the unbelievably low price of $4 Canadian. Let's see Walmart match that price, bitch!

Interestingly, I wasn't the only idiot that evening as a couple friends decided to join in on the fun. Which just goes to show the quality of people with whom I choose to associate.

Taste

Ok. I want you to stand still. Think about something you love to fantasize about. It can be anything, porn, a former lover, or a dream bike; anything I don't care. You just have to make sure you are naked. Now while you are off in la la land get a 'friend' to grab a 2x4 plank. This 2x4 can't be one of those high quality hard wood 2x4's. No, it has to be one of those crappy supper discount 2x4's that are covered in splinters and slivers sticking out in every direction. With 2x4 in hand, have your friend abruptly rub it all over your naked genitals. Nasty? Hell, and that's just the feeling you get when you remove the top of Bull Max (hey that reminds me of a former date). I will save you from the description of what happens when you actually take a swig. Why? Even I have limits' Yes, even I.

[ Why one cog? Some people may just get off on having their genitals rubbed with a 2x4 full of splinters]

Debauchery

Most, or I should say any alcohol has great potential for debauchery. So what happened to me while I drank bull max? Absofuckinlutely nothing, that's what! All that pain of drinking this shit and I didn't even wake up in the bed of someone who has the glory of gonorrhea. I am totally disappointed. Instead, we sat around like a bunch of funkin' red necks in the front yard, drinking and hollering. All the primer beers needed for me to work up the courage to drink this shit left me unable to move by the time I finally partook in this form of BDSM.

Overall

Heavy drug use prior to ingestion is highly recommended. Hopefully, this will dull the ensuing pain your unsuspecting taste buds are about to experience. Any hopes the pain will be offset by lowered inhibitions and a one-night stand with gonorrhea is a no go as well. Expect little if any insanity with this zero.