I have no style. I know this and strangely I am proud of it. Its not that I don't any idea as to what is in, I do. Its just that I always choose function over style. One good example is the tight fitting jeans (with collar roll) that have been infiltrating the fixed gear hipster community for the last couple years.

Fixed gears and tight jeans strike me as a collision course. I mean sit down and think about it for an entirety of about 30 seconds. By riding fixed gear (especially in the hilly Vancouver area) you are choosing to ride a bike that will have the correct gearing about 7% of the time. The usual result of such an endevour are abnormally large quads (see picture).

Do you see the problem now? Large quad development combined with excessively tight jeans can only result in things that are all wrong. I mean something has to give, right?

Besides, tight jeans personally scare me. They really do. Maybe it's the fact I was blessed (or cursed) with a pair of abnormally big balls, but tight inflexible jean material crushing my genitalia just doesn't sound too appealing does it? You think humankind would have figured these things out after living through the horror that was the 80's (think Axle Rose and tight white pants- ekk!)

Why do we wish to make these mistakes all over again?

Lastly, I often hear remarks from the tight jean fashionistas about how uncool it is to be seen wearing spandex cycling clothing. Hey, I wear cycling kit when I ride distance. And guess what? Those tight jeans aren't much different than tight cycling kit. The only real difference is material. And at least spandex will stretch around the aforementioned large testicles. Not to mention the same "stretch rule" will also apply to those with excessively large labia (male or female).

So in closing I am against tight jeans, and will be putting forward a private members bill shortly.