I have maintenance issues. It boils down to the fact I now hate performing any sort of regular maintenance. Right now I am somewhat of a reluctant mechanic at best. Funny that one, considering I am trying to slowly put together a free online bicycle maintenance manual. That is okay though because I have done it all.

In my early twenties I was more of an anal fuck when it came to cleaning and maintaining my bike. I used to carefully disassemble and clean each part of my beloved bike. Hell I used to even take apart the derailleur and oil the pullies. Then I got old, bitter and started riding bikes with one gear. These bikes are the VW bugs of bike world. They will keep running under even the most severe neglect. Due to their hardy nature I have become a maintenance nihilist. While others may shake their head, I figure this could actually be a good thing as it gives me some good insight into the how different people approach bike maintenance.

While I haven't gotten around to including this stuff in the manual, yet, for shits and giggles I thought I would share with you the horrors that are my bikes:

1. Cable maintenance [Go]
2. Tire Replacement [Go]
3. Continental Tires suck! [Go]

1) Cable maintenance is apparently not a luxury

Broken brake cables = bad

It was once suggested to me that you should change your cables every year. Especially, since I ride year round in Canada and as a result my bike gets exposed to all sorts of weather disasters. But I ride one gear for most of the year. It has a total of ONE cable on the bike controlling the front brake. Well I guess its not too much trouble to change, but come on do I really need to do that?

In my never ending quest for knowledge I decided to run a multiyear experiment where I didn't change the cable. It might not be a surprise to you that my experiment almost ended in disaster. The story goes something like this:

So I am rolling down the bike route heading home. I usually ride fast[ish] on bike routes, plus I like to leave that whole annoying braking thing to the last possible moment before the stop sign. Why? I have no idea, I do lots of stupid things. Anyway, I am busting along heading towards a stop at Broadway (a four lane artery road) when I give the front brake a good tug, when I hear

"SNAP"

Ekkkkkk! The front brake cable snapped (pictured left) and I had to do a quick hop skid (yeah fixed) and slid the bike sideways making a hasty right hand turn onto Broadway because I couldn't stop in time.

That was a close one. Too close. Who knew brake cables could actually break while braking? (Just so you know I took great care to get the spelling right. Break the brake… its all so confusing!). It only took 2 years for my little experiment to end in near disaster. I suggest you do yourself a favour and spend that $2 to replace your front brake cable on occasion. For those of you who don't even use front brakes. What can I say? Can I have your stereo when you go?

2) Tires do actually need to be replaced sometimes

Yikes!! Might wanna fix it eh?

Who wants to replace a tire before either you slide off the trail (off road) or it starts to show threads (road). Right? I mean the money could be best spent in other ways, right? Because I have multiple bikes and a limited financial backing some do not get the monetary attentions that maybe they should. It is only a matter of time before you are tempted by the dark-side of complete and total neglect. I am all the time. When it comes to my commute bike I basically let things go. With one gear this takes even longer!

My general philosophy can be clearly seen in the tires on my commute bike. It currently has too massive gashes in it. One is pictured left the other is pictured below. Its damn nasty is it not? So why don't I break down and buy a new tire? Part of it is from the fact I am often at school until late working on the various projects I work on. Buy the time I get home its too late to hit the store. However, as I write this I realize that Burnaby mountain (where I study) now has a bike shop on it. It is even a short walking distance from my office.

Hmmm... guess this means I am just a cheap bastard. Anyway, the carnage of tire disasters doesn't end here. Nope it gets even worse in my next section where I whine and complain about the crappy build quality of continental tires.

3) Why Continental Tires Suck!

While we all realized replacing tires is part of normal maintenance, some brands fuck us around more than others. One that I have found to be pretty shitty is Continental tires. It might be the fact that I only buy the low end product, but I have consistently had headaches with them. First off they have insanely tight beads. This means that if you have a decent rim it is nearly impossible to get tire on the rim without using tools. I refuse to use tools when seating a tire so often this leaves me with nearly broken fingers.

This alone wouldn't make me too bitter, but combined with the fact that the side walls are only designed to last maybe a year makes me want to rage against the machine. If you ride your mountain bike on dirt only and have a couple sets of tires for different conditions then you know that your tires will often last longer than a year. Yet, with the Continental tires you won't get this long because the side walls will spontaneously disintegrate before your eyes after about a year. If you aren't paying attention your ride will quickly end with a loud BANG as the tube ruptures through the breached side wall.

I am not sure why it happens with this brand of tires. Germans are usually anal about quality. Continental usually has a good wrap. Maybe this do to the propaganda machines we call the bike mags. Or maybe Germans simply don't ride tires longer than a year and hence have never noticed the shitty quality of the Continental side walls. I don't know. What I do know is if you buy these tires before you know it you will start to get the horror pictures like the ones displayed below:

Do NOT buy Continental tires. After a year or two they all do this

Lessons

I have no idea what to you can take from all this. Some bike snobs will blast me for not spending hundreds a year on tires, cables, chains and what ever is cool this year. Whatever. I just like to ride, its not a fashion statement. My bikes get used and they show that. Most, if not all, of these nay-sayers will me guys. Guess what? Its just a bike not an extension of my dick. If it was, that would be really weird. I mean how the fuck would that even work? Where would the attachment point be? What happens if you sleep on your stomach? Can you still have sex?

To the rest of you, I say do maintenance smartly. Replace stuff that actually needs replacing, like old cables or Continental tires. Don't buy things because you took the time to hit the bike shop and now you got blurry vision from all the cool shit around you. If you make it out alive and you still got cash to burn then I suggest you give me a shout and buy me a beer.