I don't get it. I don't step on puppies, or any of that bad shit but some how over the years I always get bad roommates. This last one however takes the prize if they were handing out such things. To date, I have spared everyone the saga of shit that has been the worst roommate in my short 27 year existence. Now that she is finally getting her ass out of my place I thought it would be fun to now delve into the year long story of personal humiliation.

First lets just get into the some of the upfront insane facts that would make anyone question life.

Money shit:

1. I went away for a week during the the summer last year and when I returned there was a $1600 phone bill. Yes, you read right. $1600 phone bill. Was the phone in her name? NO. She also said it wasn't her fault because she was phoning on behalf of someone else. They were supposed to pay but things fell through so we should take it up with them. Luckily, the phone was in the other roommate's name, but I couldn't let my roommate take all the frickin bill.
2. She then promised to pay said phone bill a zillion times over for about a year and of course never did squat. She even went so far as to phone the phone company and impersonating the owner of the phone and setting up a false payment plan. Of course since the owner of the phone had no idea this was going on until the phone company started squeezing his ass.
3. Utilities. She owes us another $400 in utilities. She would bounce cheques like crazy and then tell us this was normal business procedures. Apparently everyone bounces 3 cheques a month.
4. Maybe she has no money? Well I over heard a few conversations where she was making appointments for cosmetic dental surger

Personal insane shit:

The letter she "threatened" me with a lawsuit. What a joke!

1. She would wear her boots in the kitchen with mud all over them. This is why I am currently scrubbing the fuckin' floors. Ground in mud and who knows what else.
2. The constant guilt trips about all the crappy details of her life, which sounded a hell of a lot worse than I could come up with.
3. I used to find drops of blood around the house. Oh about once a month. Fuckin' unsanitary or what?
4. Her room was for storage, the living room was for storage, the halls were for storage... you get the idea. She ended living in the living room, literally."Sssssh...I am trying to sleep" I would be told as I come in atnight. Fuck that shit sleep in your room.
5. She then started threatening me with lawyers one day because I told her I thought she was a scammer. After a year and nearly $2000 in the hole we got her to take the utilities. She then wanted $300 out of me for the deposit. The deposit she was getting back (like I would see any of it). I told her she was a scammer. I even said it in a calm voice, no yelling or any thing. She then just flipped, said you can't do that in Canada and started shaking and frothing at the mouth. The next day I got this crazy letter (right) written on the back of a piece of paper board. She said she feared from her personal safety. I called her a scammer, I didn't even yell. I should have been yelling. What the frigg'
6. Now it has taken her almost two weeks to move out. She was supposed to be gone by Aug 1st. Nope still moving her boat loads of shit.
7. As she left yesterday with most her stuff I saw her walk off in my fuckin' sandals. What could I say other than "You win." To this date I still have no idea what else she would steal.

So what is the end scoop. Why the fuck are we such pussies that we let her stay so long? Well she signed a separate lease with the landlords so I had NO power to kick her out and they were too afraid to kick her out. You see their son was the tenant who's name the phone bill was in. I am sure if the roles were reversed they would have kicked her out and said tough shit to me.

I was stuck in a year lease, and legal aid (both the university where I am doing my master's and the community legal aid) would not help be because they were in a conflict of interest with the insane roommate and couldn't or wouldn't even give me any information about what rights I had, or what to do about the collection agencies that were calling the house daily.

In the end she paid back about $1400 of the $2000 near the end (social services kicked in some of that). The landlords felt so bad about not kicking her out that they chipped in a bit. and I am only out a couple hundred to have this lovely story to cherish the rest of my life.

Bet you are all jealous!